The B-Movie Apocalypses All Failed

When the dead awoke in their graves
they were too weak to dig their way out,
and even the ones not yet buried
were awfully tired. Meanwhile
the giant spiders struggled
to contend with gravity, their organs
too heavy now to function, and anyway
they were not well adapted
to drink larger prey. Their starvation
left a lot of cleanup; sanitation workers
demanded better benefits. UFOs
landed, but their weapons only worked
on silicon-based life forms, so
they left again with a kind of shrug.
All of our buildings were intact.
We wandered the streets stunned,
knowing we were still expected at work
on time. Survivalists were dismayed.
Who knew ghosts were too sad
to focus on vengeance? Or that werewolves
only wanted to howl? Monsters have
no use for us, is what we learned.